Friday, June 21, 2013

How to Impress Girls at a Dance, 1530

Fabritio Caroso, Il Ballarino (1581)
"Furthermore never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart... Do not have a dripping nose and do not dribble at the mouth. No woman desires a man with rabies. And refrain from spitting before the maidens, because that makes one sick and even revolts the stomach.  If you spit or blow your nose or sneeze, remember to turn your head away after the spasm; and remember not to wipe your nose with your fingers; do it properly with a white handkerchief. Do not eat either leeks or onions because they leave an unpleasant odour in the mouth."

 Antonius Arena, Leges dansandi (1530)

That Antonius Arena. He really understands the enigmatic desires of womankind not to dance with a leeky, slobbering fart-monster. 

67 comments:

  1. Okay; that *really* explains my high-school loneliness

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  2. I think you should know that bellydancers are posting this on my FB feed... you're going viral!

    ReplyDelete
  3. 483 years ago, and just as true today as it was then...

    ReplyDelete
  4. nothing new under the sun, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  5. What did medieval dancers do when their tee-shirts became infused with the glow of the dance?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There were worse problems than that... did you see How to dress for dancing on this same site?!

      Delete
  6. I'm intrigued at the thought of what came before the "Furthermore" opening to this advice column. Futhermore?!? This was like, an afterthought?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh. The advice that immediately precedes this is: "And friend, when you dance, take care not to belch, for if you belch then you will really be a pig."

      Antonius Arena is my hero.

      Delete
    2. Now they tell me! Where was this information when I really could have used it!

      Delete
    3. Wait so. . What was before 'and'?...

      Delete
    4. While you are dancing elegantly, do not star-gaze like astrologers observing the heavens; look at the ground or the walls. And do not squint at other people. You must not dance, as some do, my friend, simply in imitation of the others, looking at people's feet. There are those who constantly turn round to see if their companions are dancing properly and they resemble those thieves who often squirm when the hangman flogs them with a will. But if by chance you do make a mistake in the dance, you may then immediately correct your steps from the others.

      Delete
  7. Every man can take note from this sound bit of advice!! Just heard you on WYPR and could not wait to check out your blog. Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart

    And remember not to scrunch up your face so that people can tell how hard you're working, because the key to cool is making your fart-restraint appear effortless!

    ReplyDelete
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  11. This is just perfect, especially coupled with that other piece :') !

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  34. Hi everybody. I recently saw a testimony about dr john soco, in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months, he just suddenly changed, he wasn't returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted dr john soco, ..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable, his consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cause I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope he could help other people too like he did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back. E-mail: drjohnsoco@gmail.com or drjohnsoco@outlook.com, contact him on whats App him +2348147766277

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  35. This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 5years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another man had a spell to take my lover away from me and my wife left me and the kids and we have suffered for 3years until i meant a post where this man Dr,winner have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love wife home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my wife and after 45hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my wife and she have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self His Email: Winnersspellcast@gmail.com or contact him on his website: https://winnersspellcast.blogspot.com or you can also contact him or WhatsApp him on this +2348138289852 thank you so much

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  36. This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 5years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another man had a spell to take my lover away from me and my wife left me and the kids and we have suffered for 3years until i meant a post where this man Dr,winner have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love wife home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my wife and after 45hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my wife and she have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self His Email: Winnersspellcast@gmail.com or contact him on his website: https://winnersspellcast.blogspot.com or you can also contact him or WhatsApp him on this +2348138289852 thank you so much...

    ReplyDelete
  37. Your article had provided me with another point of view on this topic. I had absolutely no concept that things can possibly work on this manner as well. Thank you for sharing your opinion

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  38. Get your lover back urgent effective love spell to win and get ex back my advise reveal you all to contact Dr Ogudugu for a genuine love spell on greatogudugu@gmail.com that work fast. here is my relationship story. my boyfriend told me it was over and walk away without any reasons, I was confuse and didn't know what to do. I was desperate, I want him back, I went over the internet looking for ways to get my boyfriend back. I read about many different ways of how to get ex back, but Dr Ogudugu caught my attention. I immediately contacted him and explained my problem to him. It was amazing and surprising that 11hrs after the urgent love spell was cast, my boyfriend called me and was begging me to forgive him and accept him back, Couldn't believe, but later after he came to my house and fell on his knees asking me to take him back am so happy that my love is back again. I am testifying on this forum just to let people know that Dr Ogudugu is real and genuine. don't hesitate to try him out. thank you Dr Ogudugu you are truly talented and gifted genuine spell caster. Contact him now if you need your girlfriend/boyfriend back or your girlfriend moved on to another man, do not cry anymore .. Dr Ogudugu is here to help out in relationship problem coz problem share is problem solve.
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  39. URGENT AND EFFECTIVE POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER WHO RESTORED HAPPINESS IN MY RELATIONSHIP
    am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com,gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +2349066410185
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  40. Hi everyone Am sherry wyne, I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line.i will never forget the help the wonderful spell caster Dr ojoka render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 4 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside, i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress house.. At this time i was confuse not knowing what to do. i was so depressed and had to tell a friend who told me how a spiritualist helped her out with her marital problems so i contacted him and i told him my problem and after he made some consultations he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happened, that he will restore my marriage but i never believe him. To my greatest surprise 3 days after he has cast the spell my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him that he is very sorry for everything he has done to me and the kids .... now am happy we living happily with my husband and kids...thanks to the help of the great Spiritualist Dr ojoka, contact him with any problem and am sure he will help email drojokaspelltemple@gmail com whatsapp him on +2348144172934

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  41. Love spells to get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back permanently.Call/WhatsApp Dr.Unity +2348055361568.
    Love spell from dr.Unity brought my husband back" After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him: +2348055361568,
    Check is website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com ,your kindness will never be forgotten.

    Natasha Wanderly form USA.

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  42. I want to share a testimony of how Dr UDI herbal mixture cream saved me from shame and disgrace, my penis was a big problem to me as the size was really so embarrassing ,and i was also having weak erection problem i had so many relationship called off because of my situation, i have used so many product which i found online but none could offer me the help i searched for Which was very painful and then i saw some few testimonies about this herbal specialist called Dr UDI and decided to email him on so I gave his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me and we discussed, he gave me some comforting words and encouraged me also ans then gave me his herbal pills and cream for Penis Enlargement Within 1 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 2 weeks of using his products my penis is about 10 inches longer and am so happy contact Dr UDI via (drudiherbalhome@gmail.com) Via whatapp on this number +2348051243538

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  45. as searching for help on the internet to get my ex lover whom will got divorced back, i came across this wonderful man called DR.ODOGBO of ODOGBO TEMPLE who did a nice job by helping me to get my divorced husband back within 48hours.. I never believe that such things like this can be possible but now i am a living testimony to it because ODOGBO TEMPLE actually brought my lover back, If you are having any relationship problems why not contact DR.ODOGBO TEMPLE via email on: (DRODOGBO34@GMAIL.COM ) OR WhatsApp him on +1443 281 3404 Then i promise you that after 48hours you will have reasons to celebrate like me.

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  46. I am sharing this testimony to partners suffering in their relationships because there is an enduring solution.
    My husband left me and our 2 kids for another woman for 3 years. I tried to be strong just for my kids but I could not control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed a help, so i did a research on the internet and came across a site where I saw that Dr. Todd a spellcaster, can help get lovers back. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprises, after some days, my husband came back home. That was how we reunited again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family.
    You can as well contact Dr. Todd, a powerful spell-caster for solutions on his contact manifestspellcast@gmail.com Website https://manifestspellcast.wordpress.com Whats App: +27613087679

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