Friday, June 21, 2013

How to Impress Girls at a Dance, 1530

Fabritio Caroso, Il Ballarino (1581)
"Furthermore never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart... Do not have a dripping nose and do not dribble at the mouth. No woman desires a man with rabies. And refrain from spitting before the maidens, because that makes one sick and even revolts the stomach.  If you spit or blow your nose or sneeze, remember to turn your head away after the spasm; and remember not to wipe your nose with your fingers; do it properly with a white handkerchief. Do not eat either leeks or onions because they leave an unpleasant odour in the mouth."

 Antonius Arena, Leges dansandi (1530)

That Antonius Arena. He really understands the enigmatic desires of womankind not to dance with a leeky, slobbering fart-monster. 

53 comments:

  1. Okay; that *really* explains my high-school loneliness

    ReplyDelete
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  2. I think you should know that bellydancers are posting this on my FB feed... you're going viral!

    ReplyDelete
  3. 483 years ago, and just as true today as it was then...

    ReplyDelete
  4. nothing new under the sun, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  5. What did medieval dancers do when their tee-shirts became infused with the glow of the dance?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There were worse problems than that... did you see How to dress for dancing on this same site?!

      Delete
  6. I'm intrigued at the thought of what came before the "Furthermore" opening to this advice column. Futhermore?!? This was like, an afterthought?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh. The advice that immediately precedes this is: "And friend, when you dance, take care not to belch, for if you belch then you will really be a pig."

      Antonius Arena is my hero.

      Delete
    2. Now they tell me! Where was this information when I really could have used it!

      Delete
    3. Wait so. . What was before 'and'?...

      Delete
    4. While you are dancing elegantly, do not star-gaze like astrologers observing the heavens; look at the ground or the walls. And do not squint at other people. You must not dance, as some do, my friend, simply in imitation of the others, looking at people's feet. There are those who constantly turn round to see if their companions are dancing properly and they resemble those thieves who often squirm when the hangman flogs them with a will. But if by chance you do make a mistake in the dance, you may then immediately correct your steps from the others.

      Delete
  7. Every man can take note from this sound bit of advice!! Just heard you on WYPR and could not wait to check out your blog. Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart

    And remember not to scrunch up your face so that people can tell how hard you're working, because the key to cool is making your fart-restraint appear effortless!

    ReplyDelete
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  11. This is just perfect, especially coupled with that other piece :') !

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