Friday, June 21, 2013

How to Impress Girls at a Dance, 1530

Fabritio Caroso, Il Ballarino (1581)
"Furthermore never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart... Do not have a dripping nose and do not dribble at the mouth. No woman desires a man with rabies. And refrain from spitting before the maidens, because that makes one sick and even revolts the stomach.  If you spit or blow your nose or sneeze, remember to turn your head away after the spasm; and remember not to wipe your nose with your fingers; do it properly with a white handkerchief. Do not eat either leeks or onions because they leave an unpleasant odour in the mouth."

 Antonius Arena, Leges dansandi (1530)

That Antonius Arena. He really understands the enigmatic desires of womankind not to dance with a leeky, slobbering fart-monster. 
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15 comments:

  1. AnonymousAugust 26, 2013 at 6:07 PM

    Okay; that *really* explains my high-school loneliness

    ReplyDelete
  2. iAugust 27, 2013 at 8:56 AM

    I think you should know that bellydancers are posting this on my FB feed... you're going viral!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousAugust 28, 2013 at 1:09 AM

    483 years ago, and just as true today as it was then...

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousAugust 28, 2013 at 2:44 PM

    nothing new under the sun, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousAugust 28, 2013 at 6:08 PM

    What did medieval dancers do when their tee-shirts became infused with the glow of the dance?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousSeptember 29, 2013 at 9:10 AM

      There were worse problems than that... did you see How to dress for dancing on this same site?!

      Delete
  6. AnonymousAugust 29, 2013 at 1:08 PM

    I'm intrigued at the thought of what came before the "Furthermore" opening to this advice column. Futhermore?!? This was like, an afterthought?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ask the PastAugust 29, 2013 at 1:23 PM

      Heh. The advice that immediately precedes this is: "And friend, when you dance, take care not to belch, for if you belch then you will really be a pig."

      Antonius Arena is my hero.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousSeptember 2, 2013 at 8:24 PM

      Now they tell me! Where was this information when I really could have used it!

      Delete
    3. AnonymousSeptember 27, 2013 at 3:24 AM

      Wait so. . What was before 'and'?...

      Delete
    4. AnonymousFebruary 13, 2015 at 11:28 PM

      While you are dancing elegantly, do not star-gaze like astrologers observing the heavens; look at the ground or the walls. And do not squint at other people. You must not dance, as some do, my friend, simply in imitation of the others, looking at people's feet. There are those who constantly turn round to see if their companions are dancing properly and they resemble those thieves who often squirm when the hangman flogs them with a will. But if by chance you do make a mistake in the dance, you may then immediately correct your steps from the others.

      Delete
  7. MommyHeadacheSeptember 5, 2013 at 3:43 PM

    Every man can take note from this sound bit of advice!! Just heard you on WYPR and could not wait to check out your blog. Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousSeptember 19, 2013 at 7:20 PM

    never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart

    And remember not to scrunch up your face so that people can tell how hard you're working, because the key to cool is making your fart-restraint appear effortless!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnaMarch 13, 2014 at 8:25 AM

    This is just perfect, especially coupled with that other piece :') !

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJuly 30, 2016 at 6:28 AM

    This is a great blog . Very helpful.
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    ReplyDelete

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