How to Exercise, 1623

The racket, c. 1610

"[W]hen the skinne shall be wet with sweat, it shall be good to desist from exercise, lest by proceeding therein, not onely the spirits and good humours be exhausted, but also the fat... bee melted, or at least caused to putrifie; by meanes whereof, if sudden death ensue not, as oftentimes it doth... the body become sickly, withered, and impatient of cold... Here therefore it is to be advertised, how great and laborious exercises doe evilly dispose the body, and subvert the state thereof, and that the best and most profitable exercises, for them that are sound and healthfull, are walking, bowling, the racket, and such like easie exercises." 

Tobias Venner, Vita recta ad vitam longam (1623)

For the love of God, don't use the elliptical machine. Does putrefied fat sound like a joke?

How to Run, 1836

"The tread is neither with the mere balls of the toes, nor with the whole sole of the foot; and the spring is made rapidly from one foot to the other, so that they pass each other with great velocity... A mile in five minutes is good running. Two miles in ten minutes is oftener failed than accomplished. Four miles in twenty is said to puzzle the cleverest." 

Donald Walker, British Manly Exercises (1836)

It's hard to focus on division problems when you're dashing around in a top hat, but take it from The Past: if you can run four miles in twenty minutes, you are a genius. 

How to Trim Your Toenails Underwater, 1789

"To cut the Nails of the Toes in the Water... You must hold your knife in your right hand (if you are right handed) and take up your left leg, and lay the foot on the right knee; there you may take it from the left hand, and with the right cut your Nails without any danger. Thus you may also pick your Toes; and if this has no other use or advantage yet the dexterity of the management may serve to recommend it." 

Melchisédech Thévenot, The Art of Swimming (1789)

Want to take your backstroke to the next level? Tired of spending valuable exercise time on grooming and vice versa? Here is the lifehack for you! 

How to Get Strong, 1884

"To Obtain a Good Biceps. Mounting a ladder or a rope hand-over-hand; lifting any weight in front of you, whether a feather or a barrel of sugar... pulling downward on a rope, as in hauling up a sail; hammering-- in short, anything which bends the elbow and draws the hand in toward the shoulder, takes the biceps muscle; and, if the work is vigorous and persisted in, this muscle will ere long become strong and well-shaped."

           William Blaikie, How to Get Strong and How to Stay So (1884)

After all that rope climbing, sugar-barrel lifting, and sail hauling, you'll not only have the desired guns, but you'll also be ready for a career as a swashbuckling pirate. Though you may just want to lounge shirtless and practice your come-hither gaze (Fig. 1; Fig. 2).