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| Your new online dating profile photo Walters Art Museum, MS W.88, f. 40r (14th c.) |
"Young men should not hate cats because they are the cause of great happiness and can assist in achieving success in matters of love with young and charming ladies."
The Distaff GospelsThis message brought to you by the 15th-century cat guild.
"Always keep to the right of the sidewalk, and never pass in front of a lady coming at right angles at a street corner, unless a distance of six feet intervene between said lady and the crossing-point when you reach it... When walking with a lady keep either a military step, or if her step is too short for your comfort, then take a Newport drag pace, taking care that the body does not rise much, thus preventing a see-saw appearance... A distance of half a foot should be kept between the lady and yourself at all times when the walk is not crowded; this is necessary always in the daytime, and also in the evening unless the acquaintance is such as permits taking arms. Never lock arms in the daytime."
Mortimer Delano de Lannoy, Simplex Munditiis. Gentlemen (1891)Walking: perhaps you think you have mastered this art. You are wrong. Until you can perform instinctive calculus operations on street corners and execute a smooth Newport drag pace, you should not walk in public.
"A traveller's memory will be greatly relieved, by putting down the questions he wishes to have answered...
Is it easy for ships of war to land on the sea coast, or is landing rendered hazardous by sands? and rocks?
Which are the favourite herbs of the sheep of this country?
How are the merchants of this country secured against the pyratical powers of Barbary?
What is the general value of whales of different sizes?
What celebrated ladies are still living, and worth to be taken notice of for their extraordinary qualifications?"
Leopold Berchtold, An Essay to Direct and Extend the Inquiries of Patriotic Travellers (1789)Careful with your questions there, traveler. The natives will assume you're plotting to raid their coasts, beguile their sheep, sell their whales of different sizes, and take notice of their celebrated ladies.
