How to Bathe in January, c. 7th century

Morgan Library, MS G.74, f. 19r

"January... Four baths in the course of the month; soap with sodium carbonate diluted in wine. Make a compound skin lotion by mixing 3 lb. weight aloes, 1 lb. myrrh, 2 egg yolks; combine these and apply to the skin. This is the quantity per person. Apply it before you enter the bath, and have three bucketfuls [of water] poured over you, then sweat, then go into the open air and sponge the ointment off thoroughly. After washing the ointment off, rub down with cooling wine and egg yolks mixed with hot rose oil, then make love." 

Hierophilus the Sophist, Dietary Calendar

If your bath routine does not involve pounds of lotion and fragrant mayonnaise, you are not living your best January.

How to Please Italian Gentlemen, ca. 1309

Tacuinum sanitatis Casanatense

"Once I was in Venice. We saw a beautiful woman. One of us asked: 'What do you think of that lady?' One replied: 'I would like her if she did not laugh.' Another said: 'Because of that I like her more.' A third answered: 'I would like her best if she could laugh but hide her missing tooth.' I avoid mentioning her name so as not to insult this lady."

          Francesco da Barberino, 
          Reggimento e costumi di 
          donna (ca. 1309)

Oh, that jolly Venetian gal! I bet she lost the tooth in an altercation with an Italian gentleman. 

How to Catch Flies, ca. 1400

“If you have a room or floor in your dwelling infested with flies, take little sprigs of fern, tie them together with threads like tassels, hang them up, and all the flies will settle on them in the evening. Then take down the tassels and throw them outside… otherwise, tie a linen stocking to the bottom of a pierced pot and set the pot in the place where the flies gather and smear the inside with honey, or apples, or pears. When it is full of flies, place a platter over the opening, then shake it.”  

Le Ménagier de Paris (ca. 1400)

These flycatching remedies are from a handbook ostensibly written by a husband offering helpful advice to his teenaged wife. And, let’s face it: who cares whether they work for catching flies? Ladies, just imagine how impressed a husband would be by your decorative fern-tassels and honey-smeared socks.