How to Drink Beer, 1725

J. Nothnagel, Man with Beer (1772), Wellcome Library

“I have not known Thirst since I have used hot Beer: Let the Weather be never so hot, and my work great, yet have I not felt Thirst as formerly... But some will say, Cold Beer is very pleasant to one that is Thirsty: I answer it is true: But pleasant things for the most part are very Dangerous. Cold Beer is pleasant when extream Thirst is in the Stomach, but what’s more dangerous to the Health? How many have you known and heard of, who by drinking a cup of Cold Beer in extream Thirst, have taken a surfeit and killed themselves? ...Therefore we must not drink cold Beer because it is pleasant, but hot beer because it is Profitable.”  

A Treatise of Warm Drink

Reminder: cold beer is pleasant but like most pleasant things it brings death. Cheers!

How to Improve In-Law Relations, c. 1470

J. Paul Getty Museum MS 27, f. 46v (c. 1430)

"If a woman very much wants her husband to love her relatives and friends whom he has never liked, when they come to visit her with their dog, she must collect urine from the dog and give some to her husband to drink, in barley beer or in a soup, without his knowledge. And after he has given a warm welcome to the dog, he will be friendly with the people the dog loves."  

The Distaff Gospels

Your husband will be humping the whole family's legs in no time.

How to Make Cock Ale, 1697

Gijsbert d'Hondecoeter, Poultry

"To make Cock-Ale. Take nine Gallons of Ale, and let it Work; and when done Working, have in readiness four pound of Raisins of the Sun, stoned and bruised in a Mortar, two Nutmegs, and as much Mace bruised; then take two Cocks, flea them, and take out the Guts, then hold them in a pot of boiling Water, just to Plump them; then break their Bones, and bruise them in a Mortar, so put them in a Vessel to your Ale, (Before you put in all the Blade Fruit and Spice,) so stop them close: let it stand a Fortnight; and when you Bottle it, put in every Bottle two or three bits of Limon-Peel, and as much candied Ginger-Root, with a Lump of Sugar; stop it close: let it stand a Fortnight or three Weeks, then drink it; it is very pleasant, and good against Consumption."  

A New Book of Knowledge (1697)

Some days, you're not sure whether you need a mug of ale or a steaming bowl of chicken broth. On those days, Cock Ale will drown your sorrows and cure your consumption. Perfect for holiday parties!

(Thanks to Michael O'Brien)

How to Make Pumpkin Ale, 1771

Vietz, Icones plantarum (1804)

"Let the Pompion be beaten in a Trough and pressed as Apples. The expressed Juice is to be boiled in a Copper a considerable Time and carefully skimmed that there may be no Remains of the fibrous Part of the Pulp. After that Intention is answered let the Liquor be hopped cooled fermented &c. as Malt Beer." 

American Philosophical Society papers (1771)

This fall, treat yourself to some pumpkin ale-- homebrew of 18th-century American philosophers.

How to Drink Beer, 1623

"Beere that is too bitter of the hop... hurteth the sinewes, offendeth the sight, and causeth the head-ach, by filling the ventricles of the braine with troublesome vapors... Here some may demand, Whether it be better to drink their Beere cold, or a little warmed, especially in the Winter season? Whereto I answer, that I see no good reason to approve the drinking thereof warme, as I know some to do, not only in the Winter, but almost all the yeere: for it is nauceous and fulsome to the stomack... Moreover, it doth not so well quench the thirst, temper the naturall heat, and coole the inward parts, as if it be taken cold." 

Tobias Venner, Via recta ad vitam longam (1623) 

This just in from the archives of drinking lore: poorly chosen beer can give you the head-ach, and warm beer is nauseating.