How to Choose Drinking Water, 1528

Gesner, Nomenclator aquatilium animantium (1560)

"Thou ought to knowe that clere rennynge Waters that ben nyghe to cytees in pure grounde as small brokes be the best and lyghtest. Water that cometh out of stony erthe where as is moche fumosytees is hevy, contagyous, & noysom. Water of puddles or fenne full of frogges, addres, and other venymous worms be unholsom." 

Secretum secretorum 

A little water-quality issue you may have overlooked: poisonous snakes are not potable. 

How to Choose Your Seat on a Ship, 1458

Noah's Ark: probably smoldering hot and stinking.
BnF Fr. 28 f. 66v (Rouen, s. XV)

"Furste, yf ye goo in a galey... chese yow a place in the seyd galey in the overest stage; for in the lawyst vnder hyt ys ryght smolderyng hote and stynkyng." 

("First, if you go in a galley... choose yourself a place in the said galley in the top deck; for in the lowest underneath it is right smoldering hot and stinking.")

The Itineraries of William Wey (1458)

William Wey gives the galley two stars on TripAdvisor. It gets you to sondry londes, but you have to deal with the stynk. 

How to Walk on Water, 1649

"How to walke on the Water. For to doe this, take two little Timbrels, and binde them under the soles of thy feete, and at a staves end fasten another; and with these you may walke on the water, unto the wonder of all such as shall see the same: if so be you often exercise the same with a certaine boldnesse and lightnesse of the body." 

Thomas Hill, Naturall and Artificiall Conclusions (1649)

Good news: all it takes to walk on water is a couple of tambourines and a quick step! I'm off to practice this unto the wonder of all such as shall be swimming laps at the gym. 

How to Test Water Quality, c. 15 BC

"Springs should be tried and tested like this: if they flow freely in the open, one should take a good look at the physiques of the people who live in their vicinity before one starts to take water from them: if the locals have robust bodies, fresh complexions, sound legs and eyes without inflammation, then the springs will have passed the test with flying colours."

Vitruvius, On Architecture (c. 15 BC)

When the locals tell you to stop ogling their limbs, tell them you're just testing the water.