How to Read Eyebrows, 1562

John Bulwer, Anthropometamorphosis

"The eyebrowes that be very heary declare folyshnes of maners and mischiefe... The eyebrowes whyche descende downe warde on the syde of the nose, and raysed vpward on the syde of the temples, and hangyng downeward on bothe sydes declare the man to be wythout shame enuious, folyshe insatiable, and lyke vnto hogges. The eyebrowes which descend crooked on the side of the nose declare the man to be witty in naughty thinges, and whan they be crooked on the out side of the eye, they signifie the man to be recreatife & merry... When the eyebrowes comme togyther, they shewe the man to be verye pensyfe and not very wyse." 

Richard Roussat, Arcandam 

Need a fresh look? A few minutes of strategic brow grooming will make you a whole new person. I hear "like unto hogs" is in for spring.

How to Groom Yourself, c. 1200

Walters Art Museum, W.105

 "Let your hair be combed, and your haircut be equally neat. If you are shaggy, have your hairy beard trimmed back. If your eyes are watery, consult a doctor. Let your hands be clean, your sleeves laced up. Don’t have deformed fingernails, or disgusting teeth. Don’t let long hairs sprout from your nostrils. Your feet should not be marred with ugly skin; you should walk elegantly with your head high."

Daniel of Beccles, Urbanus magnus

Don't take this the wrong way, but the Middle Ages would like to gently suggest that you walk those gnarly feet to the pedicurist.

How to Deal With a Unibrow, 1881

Konstantin Makovsky,
Portrait of a Woman (c. 1870)

"Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the nose. This is usually considered a disfigurement, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a consolation for such people to know that the ancients admired this style of eyebrows, and that Michael Angelo possessed it. It is useless to pluck out the uniting hairs; and if a depilatory is applied, a mark like that of a scar left from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than the hair."

John H. Young, Our Deportment (1881)

Here's a novel approach to the unibrow: ditch the tweezers and just tell everyone you're the next Michelangelo.