How to Soothe a Teething Baby, c. 1450

Andrea Mantegna, The Circumcision of Jesus 
(detail, c. 1461)

"Sometimes babies have trouble with teething. In that case you should squeeze the gums with your fingers, and gently massage them, and the palate as well. And you should anoint the gums with the brains of a hare (which are very suitable for this purpose), or with fat or butter or good-quality olive oil; and you should do this twice a day. The milk of a dog is suitable, too. It is also very helpful to use hen's fat for both anointing and massaging the gums." 

Michele Savonarola, Ad mulieres ferrarienses (c. 1450)

Teething trouble? No problem -- just smear the baby's mouth with some fatty goo. The only issue is that once he's tasted hare's brains, he'll never go back to puréed pears.

How to Talk About Your Kids, 1558

"You got a problem with my Momo?"
Paolo Veronese, Giuseppe da Porto with his
Son Adriano (1551-2)

"Those who are constantly talking about their children, their wives or their nursemaids, are equally at fault. 'Yesterday my boy made me laugh so much. Listen to this...You have never seen a more lovable son than my Momo...' No-one has so little to do that he has the time to answer or even to listen to such nonsense and so it irritates everyone." 

Giovanni della Casa, Galateo (1558)

History teaches us many timeless and important lessons. Chief among them: no one wants to hear about Momo.

How to Feed Your Child, 1692

"As to his meals, I should think it best, that as much as it can be conveniently avoided, they should not be kept constantly to an hour: for when custom has fix'd his eating to certain stated periods, his stomach will expect victuals at the usual hour, and grow peevish if he passes it... Therefore I would have no time kept constantly to for his breakfast, dinner and supper, but rather vary'd almost every day. And if betwixt these, which I call meals, he will eat, let him have, as often as he calls for it, good dry bread. If any one think this too hard and sparing a diet for a child, let them know, that a child will never starve nor dwindle for want of nourishment, who, besides flesh at dinner, and spoon-meat, or some such other thing, at supper, may have good bread and beer as often as he has a stomach."

John Locke, "Thoughts Concerning Education" (1692)


Child-rearing advice from the Father of Liberalism! To nourish your child properly, you will need: (1) dry bread, (2) plenty of beer, and (3) the element of surprise.