How to Picnic, 1387

Getty MS 27, f. 60v (1430-1440)

"The place where the assembly will be held should be a beautiful green meadow, with beautiful trees all around, well separated from one another, and a clear fountain or some running water... And they should spread out towels and cloths everywhere on the green grass, and put out various meats in great abundance according to the power of the lord. And some people should eat sitting, some standing, some resting on their elbows; and some people should drink, some should laugh, perform and tell stories and play, and in short all the festivities and delights." 

Gaston Phoebus, Livre de chasse

Picnic success checklist:
well separated trees
abundant meats
elbow resters
designated drinkers

How to Dress Warmly, 1315

Lyon, Bibliothèque municipale, MS 5128, f. 114v

“Dress well, wear good shoes, and when you go outside, wear overshoes so that your feet will be warm. And don’t make a 'sausage' hat for yourself as some people do, because they are not good. And when you see the other students wearing their caps, you should too, and a fur cap, if necessary. And at night when you study, you should wear a nightcap over the cap and around your cheeks. And when you go to sleep at night, you should wear a white nightcap on your head and covering your cheeks and another colored one on top, since the head should be kept warmer at night than during the day. And during the rainy season, it’s good to wear another cap or helmet over your cap so that your head doesn’t get wet. Actually, some people wear a helmet over the cap in nice weather, but especially when it’s cold, so that they can remove the helmet in the presence of important people without taking off the cap. And take care of your boots and make sure your feet aren’t filthy.” 

Letter from a physician in Valencia to his sons studying in Toulouse

Revealed: the Past is actually your grandmother. Now go put on your hat.

How to Lose Weight, c. 1330

Tacuinum sanitatis, Biblioteca Casanatense 4182 (14th c.)

“They should eat foods of little nourishment, great bulk, and quick digestion, and often bathe before they eat… they should eat many vegetables with sharp vinegar dressings… they should exercise frequently and swiftly before eating, and tolerate hunger. They should accustom themselves to eating once a day and sleeping less, and they should drink old and fine wine…. sleeping little and in a hard bed, frequent sex, and spending time in the sun and in warm houses all make a fat body become slender.” 

Maino de' Mainieri, Regimen sanitatis

Your medieval summer weight-loss plan: sunbathing, sex, and... salad.

How to Exercise in Cold Weather, 1315

J. Paul Getty Museum, MS Ludwig IX 6, f. 2r

"If you will, walk daily somewhere morning and evening. And if the weather is cold, if you can, run on [an] empty stomach or at least walk rapidly, that the natural heat may be revived... If you cannot go outside your lodgings, either because the weather does not permit or it is raining, climb the stairs rapidly three or four times, and have in your room a big heavy stick like a sword and wield it now with one hand, now with the other, as in a scrimmage, until you are almost winded. This is a splendid exercise to warm one up and expel noxious vapors through the pores and consume other superfluities. Jumping is a similar exercise. Singing, too, exercises the chest. And if you will do this, you will have healthy limbs, a sound intellect and memory, and you will avoid rheum." 

Peter of Fagarola, Letter to his sons

Too cold for running outside? No problem – your mock swordplay and singing will definitely impress the other gym-goers.

How to Cure a Snakebite, 1303

British Library, Harley 3244, f. 57r (13th c.)

"First, bind the extremity with strong and tight bindings. Second, get an old rooster and pluck its bottom and hold it with its bottom on the bite, and if the rooster dies it is a good sign, because it is a sign that the venom has been drawn out of the body, so apply many roosters until you see that the rooster does not die from the venom." 

Bernard de Gordon, Lilium medicinae 

 Does your first-aid kit include a flock of bare-assed chickens? Be prepared!

How to Make Cheese Glue, c. 1300

Tacuinum sanitatis, ÖNB Cod. Vindob. s. n. 2644, f. 30r (14th c.) 

"Take old cheese, and cut it into little pieces, then put them in water for two full days or more. Then grind them well on a marble stone. Then add to them almost as much good quicklime, and grind them well together, and it is the best glue; use it immediately while it is moist. This glue joins wood very well and when it is dry it is dissolved by neither fire nor water." 

Secretum philosophorum (c. 1300)

State-of-the-art adhesive technology circa 1300! Behold its excellence, its durability, its beguiling cheesy aroma.

How to Tell if Someone Is or Is Not Dead, c. 1380

He's not dead yet.
BL Harley 3140, f. 39r (14th c.)

"Moreover, if there is any doubt as to whether a person is or is not dead, apply lightly roasted onion to his nostrils, and if he be alive, he will immediately scratch his nose." 

Johannes de Mirfield, Breviarium Bartholomei (c. 1380-95)

Don't bother looking for a pulse. The onion reflex is the only reliable sign of life.

How to Handle Books, 1345

Yale, Beinecke Marston MS 67, f. 66r

"And in the first place as to the opening and closing of books, let there be due moderation, that they be not unclasped in precipitate haste, nor when we have finished our inspection be put away without being duly closed. For it behoves us to guard a book much more carefully than a boot. 

But the race of scholars is commonly badly brought up, and unless they are bridled in by the rules of their elders they indulge in infinite puerilities...You may happen to see some headstrong youth lazily lounging over his studies, and when the winter's frost is sharp, his nose running from the nipping cold drips down, nor does he think of wiping it with his pocket-handkerchief until he has bedewed the book before him with the ugly moisture.... He does not fear to eat fruit or cheese over an open book, or carelessly to carry a cup to and from his mouth... 

But the handling of books is specially to be forbidden to those shameless youths, who as soon as they have learned to form the shapes of letters, straightway, if they have the opportunity, become unhappy commentators, and wherever they find an extra margin about the text, furnish it with monstrous alphabets, or if any other frivolity strikes their fancy, at once their pen begins to write it."

 Richard de Bury, Philobiblon (1345)

Hello, reader! This head-cold season, please remember that your book is not a Kleenex. Also, medieval manuscripts and cheese are not a great combination.

How to Succeed at University, c. 1316

Cantigas de Santa Maria, 13th century

"I have recently discovered that you live dissolutely and slothfully, preferring license to restraint and play to work and strumming a guitar while the others are at their studies, whence it happens that you have read but one volume of law while your more industrious companions have read several. Wherefore I have decided to exhort you herewith to repent utterly of your dissolute and careless ways, that you may no longer be called a waster and your shame may be turned to good repute." 

Letter from a father to his son in Orléans (c. 1316)

For Father's Day, some advice from a medieval dad who thinks his son should not major in Guitar Hero. 

How to Please Italian Gentlemen, ca. 1309

Tacuinum sanitatis Casanatense

"Once I was in Venice. We saw a beautiful woman. One of us asked: 'What do you think of that lady?' One replied: 'I would like her if she did not laugh.' Another said: 'Because of that I like her more.' A third answered: 'I would like her best if she could laugh but hide her missing tooth.' I avoid mentioning her name so as not to insult this lady."

          Francesco da Barberino, 
          Reggimento e costumi di 
          donna (ca. 1309)

Oh, that jolly Venetian gal! I bet she lost the tooth in an altercation with an Italian gentleman.