Friday, February 14, 2014

How to Sweet Talk Your Lady, 1656


"Instructions for Lovers: teaching them, how to demean themselves towards their Sweet-hearts. You must not accost them with a shrug, as if you were lowsie: With, 'your Ladie', 'best Ladie', or 'most super-excellent Ladie': neither must you let your words come rumbling forth, ushered in with a good full mouth'd, Oath, as 'I love you'... But you must in fine gentle words, deliver your true affection: Praise your Mistress Eies, her Lip, her Chin, her Nose, her Neck, her Face, her Hand, her Feet, her Leg, her Waste, her every thing." 
Cupids Master-piece, or, The Free-school of Witty and Delightful Compliments (1656)
Some dos and don'ts for addressing your most super-excellent lady! Don't say "I love you." Do praise her various body parts. (Careful with that 17th-century spelling, though: it's her waist you want to praise.)

See here for more amorous compliments.

8 comments:

  1. 'most super-excellent Ladie' - proof of time travel from the future - sounds like something from "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure"

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    Replies
    1. Quite right. In fact, some editions of this text contain what some scholars regard as a later and inauthentic gloss: But you must in fine gentle words, quote some lyrics at her, dude!

      Delete
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      Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Priest Ade who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Priest Ade helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him

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      Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Priest Ade who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Priest Ade helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him

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      Delete
  2. So glad you clarified waste/waist. The misunderstanding may otherwise have been the cause of a few significant relationship ruptures.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am laughing so hard at all these posts! Albeit silently so as to not wake my 6 month old. Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  4. For our podcast, The Bar Stool Historian, we actually tried out some of these compliments on our spouses and recorded their unfiltered responses for your amusement:
    http://www.barstoolhistorian.com/episodes/2015/2/19/post-valentines-day-special-mini-episode

    ReplyDelete
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