How to Read Eyebrows, 1562

John Bulwer, Anthropometamorphosis

"The eyebrowes that be very heary declare folyshnes of maners and mischiefe... The eyebrowes whyche descende downe warde on the syde of the nose, and raysed vpward on the syde of the temples, and hangyng downeward on bothe sydes declare the man to be wythout shame enuious, folyshe insatiable, and lyke vnto hogges. The eyebrowes which descend crooked on the side of the nose declare the man to be witty in naughty thinges, and whan they be crooked on the out side of the eye, they signifie the man to be recreatife & merry... When the eyebrowes comme togyther, they shewe the man to be verye pensyfe and not very wyse." 

Richard Roussat, Arcandam 

Need a fresh look? A few minutes of strategic brow grooming will make you a whole new person. I hear "like unto hogs" is in for spring.