How to Charm a Man, 1896

"When you desire to make any one "love" you with whom you meet, although not personally acquainted with him, you can very readily reach him and make his acquaintance... Wherever or whenever you meet again, at the first opportunity grasp his hand in an earnest, sincere, and affectionate manner, observing at the same time the following important directions, viz.: As you take his bare hand in yours, press your thumb gently, though firmly, between the bones of the thumb and the forefinger of his hand, and at the very instant when you press thus on the blood vessels (which you can before ascertain to pulsate) look him earnestly and lovingly in the eyes, and send all your heart's, mind's, and soul's strength into his organization, and he will be your friend..."

The Ladies' Book of Useful Information (1896)

This handy technique allows you not only to bewitch that alluring stranger, but also to check his resting heart rate.

How to Interpret Italian Gestures, 1562

Raphael, The School of Athens (1509-11) 

"The Lomberd... is scorneful of his speche. He wyl geve an aunswer with wrieng his hed at the one side displaysynge his handes abrode. Yf he cast his head at the one syde & to shroge up his shoulders speake no more to hym, for you be answerd. The Italyons and some of the Venecions be of lyke disposicon." 

Andrew Boorde, The Fyrst Boke of the Introduction of Knowledge (1562)

You strike up a conversation with a Renaissance Italian. He tilts his head, spreads his hands, and shrugs his shoulders. Translation: quit bothering me with your questions, silly foreigner.

How to Whiten Your Teeth, 1675

Edward Topsell, The History of
Foure-Footed Beasts (1658)

"A Dentrifice to whiten the Teeth. Take of Harts-horn and Horses Teeth, of each two Ounces, Sea-shells, Common Salt, Cypress-Nuts, each one Ounce; burn them together in an Oven, and make a powder, and work it up with the mucilage of Gum Tragacinth, and rub the teeth therewith."

Hannah Woolley, The Accomplish'd Lady's Delight (1675)

Why buy whitening toothpaste when you can make your own? A few treatments with toasted horse teeth and mucilage, and a shimmering smile can be yours!

How to Put Out a Fire, 12th century

Quick, the bran!
Madrid, Bib. Nac. Vitr. 26-2, f. 34vb (12th c.)

"If a fire blazes up, it should be extinguished with sand and bran. If it blazes up further, put on sand soaked in urine." 

Mappae clavicula (c. 12th century)

Safety first: be sure to have plenty of sand and bran on hand for your next barbecue or naval battle. (The urine soaking is for when things get really scary.)

How to Nap, 1623

Old Man in an Armchair (c. 1650)
National Gallery, London

"Sleeping at noones causeth heavinesse of the head, dulnesse of wit... Moreover it hurteth the eyes, spoileth the colour, puffeth up the Spleene with winde, maketh the body unlusty... Yet... that it is lawfull at any time of the yeare for old men to sleepe a nap at noones, by reason of their imbecility, needs no demonstration." 

Tobias Venner, Via recta ad vitam longam (1623)

Some bad news here for everyone: your refreshing midday power nap is giving you spleen wind, unless you're an old man -- in which case the seventeenth century has diagnosed you with imbecility. Sweet dreams, all!

How to Cure Ear Problems, 1590

Athanasius Kircher, Musurgia universalis (1650)

"Earth Wormes fried with Goose greace, then straind, and a little thereof dropt warme into the deaffe or pained eare, doth helpe the same: you must use it halfe a dosen times at the least. This is true."

Thomas Lupton, A Thousand Notable Things (1590)

This remedy doth helpe the patient to realize that whatever his original problem was, it wasn't as bad as having hot greasy worms dripped into his ear.

How to Exercise with Friction, 1827

"Friction is a mode of exercise of great value.. It has great power in strengthening the digestive organs, promoting a free perspiration, resolving obstructions, loosening contractions, and imparting a comfortable glow, and an increase of energy, to the whole system... Friction may be applied to the body by hand, or with flannel, rough woolen gloves, or the flesh-brush. The latter is by far the best instrument, and the proper time for using it is in the morning and evening, continuing from fifteen to thirty minutes at each time." 

Thomas John Graham, Modern Domestic Medicine (1827)

Trying to maintain an exercise schedule, but lacking motivation? Consider a vigorous session with the flesh brush! And when you've considered that, you'll undoubtedly be ready to hit the gym instead.