How to Make an Eel Pie, 1465

Konrad Gesner, Historiae
animalium (1604)

 "Boil for a while an eel which has been skinned and cut up in pieces. Pass almond juice, with verjuice and rose water, through a sieve into a bowl. It would likewise not be ill advised to make it thicker by pounding in raisins with three or four figs. Then mix orach, torn by hand with parsley and fried in a little oil, an ounce of raisins, also an ounce of pine nuts, a little ginger, pepper, cinnamon, and saffron. Mix into the above-mentioned with your hands until they make one mass. When they are mixed, put in a well-oiled pan with an undercrust, placing pieces of eel in layers, as it were. When it has been semicooked, pour a bit of verjuice, rose water, and sugar into the upper crust, which has been perforated in several places. When it is finally cooked, serve to your enemies, for it has nothing good in it."

Platina, De honesta voluptate et valetudine

Cooking a special meal is a great way to express your feelings for someone. Especially if the feelings are "I'd love for you to leave before dessert."

How to Manage Your Anger, c. 1150

British Library,
Egerton MS 747, f. 83r
c. 1280-1310

"One who is inclined to wrath should take rose and less sage and pulverize them. When the wrath is rising in him, he should hold this powder to his nostrils. The sage lessens the wrath, and the rose makes him happy."

Hildegard of Bingen, Physica

Feeling some wrath coming on? One sniff of this medieval powder and ahhhhh...

How to Make a Turnip Jack-o-Lantern, 1873

"Another common amusement at this season of the year is to make a turnip lantern, and in connection with this, I would warn my young folks that as a first step to do this successfully, they should procure a turnip righteously and honestly... first, procure as large a turnip as possible, and then proceed with your pocket knife to scrape out all the substance of the turnip, leaving only the rind or skin... Having scraped all the substance out of your turnip, and made a hole in the lid to let out the smoke, proceed to cut on the outside a man's face, as you see has been done by the little fellow in our picture. Do not cut the shell of the turnip quite through but cut as thin as possible, so that as much light and as little wind may get through as possible... You must make a hole in the bottom of the lantern to receive the candle. When this is lighted all is complete, and you may now call on some of your friends and show your lantern."  

The Dew-Drop 

Having trouble procuring a pumpkin righteously and honestly? Terrifying turnip lantern to the rescue!

How to Cure a Cough, 1651

Conrad Gesner, Historiae animalium

"And a little Frog climbing up a tree, if any one shall spit in his mouth, and then let him escape, is said to cure the Cough." 

Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim, Three Books of Occult Philosophy

Yet another benefit of making out with frogs.

How to Make an Apple Toddy, 1869

Wine Apple, The Gardener's and Forester's Record (1833-6)
Wellcome Library, London

"Apple Toddy. Two wine glasses of 'Apple Jack'; one tablespoonful of white sugar; half of a baked apple. Add boiling water and nutmeg. This drink ought never to be made with a suspicion of weakness. It is only drank in cold weather, and needs to be a little strong to be satisfactory to the epicurean." 

Haney's Steward and Barkeeper's Manual

An apple a day, the epicurean's way.

How to Eat in Autumn, 1600

Later, old cheese.
The Grete Herball (1529), Wellcome Library

"Autumne beginneth, when the sunne entreth the first degree of Libra, which is the thirteenth day of September. Then it is Aequinoctiall, meteors are seene, the times do alter, the aire waxeth cold, the leaves do fall, corne is reaped, the earth loseth hir beautie, and melancholy is ingendered. For which cause, such things as breede melancholy are to bee avoyded, as feare, care, beanes, old cheese, salt beefe, broath of colewoorts, & such like. You may safely eate mutton, lambe, pigges, and young pullets. Take heed of the morning & evening cold." 

William Vaughan, Naturall and Artificial Directions for Health 

The key to a happy autumn? Just avoid fear and cabbage broth.

How to Shower, 1867

An Encyclopaedia of Domestic Economy, 1844

"The shower bath, notwithstanding the abuse in its application and the consequent injury, is, when properly applied, one of the best baths ever employed... Begin with the water tepid, then change to cool, followed by a dash of cold, is the best plan for most bathers. Arrange the water at the right temperature, then let it fall first upon the hands and arms, rubbing them vigorously; then upon the feet and legs, then the neck, back and chest, rubbing each part while the water falls upon it; then turning the body, alternately exposing different parts to the falling shower for two or three minutes... As a general rule the cold water should not fall on the top of the head, nor even the tepid water, if the hair is long and heavy; but if it is short, and the bather in good health, it is a great luxury to let the tepid or cool water come trickling down over the head, face and entire body... The shower bath... is useful for cleanliness, for increasing the external circulation, and for removing internal congestion and inflammation... for those in a vigorous state of health it is a decided luxury to take it, cold, as a regular morning bath."  

E. P. Miller, "How to Bathe," Herald of Health

Nothing says "great luxury" like two or three minutes of cold water on your head.