"A light to make one Fart. The Operation of this Lamp is wonderfull, which so long as a man holds it, he shall not leave Farting untill he let it go: Take the blood of a Snaile and dry it in Linnen Cloath, and make a Candle with it, and light it, and give it to whom he please, and say, be thou lighted: so shall he not leave Farting till he let it go, which is wonderfull."
Johann Jacob Wecker, Eighteen Books of the Secrets of Art & Nature (1661)
Just imagine how much better your life will be when you swap your regular candles for these. Power outages, birthday parties, and romantic dinners will be so wonderful.